smartass_captain

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Bad enough that Leonard of all people has to see Jim like this. Had to haul his ass out of the bar before Jim ended up fighting the whole damn place after the first bastard earned it. Jim knows he's a hypocrite. That he's kept Bones from doing the exact same thing he's doing now and he hates it. He hates that instead of being mad at him Bones is trying to help.

No one tries to help.

Sam's words dig underneath Jim's skin. HIs breath comes out in a broken sob. Just one. Because then Spock shows up and Jim fucking breaks. His fingers dig into the grass, pulling musty wet earth scents up to the surface for something to grip tight to. He strangles his breath in his chest.

Feet in his vision. Jim knows those lightweight linens. Spock hadn't even gotten dressed to come out here.

Why? Why are they being Nice to him??

Pity. The word comes up unbidden from where Jim's pushed aside his problems the whole time he fled from them in Iowa to come running to Starfleet. Like the jailer standing over him in his cell watching to make sure he ate every last bite of his meal.

Fucking Pity.

Because they know Jim doesn't belong here. That this is all he is and they feel Bad to see him slam himself against the walls. Sam tried to tell him, tried to remind him of who and what he is. He's not cut out for this. And if he stays with Leonard and Spock who are so fucking brilliant he'll only weight them down.

"Mind y'r own business." Jim hears himself growl out. He doesn't want to do this. Doesn't want to be here. Doesn't want to be seen. But they are. Jim is. "What t'fuck would you know about any of this?"

"Don't listen to him--" Bones shoots at Spock before sighing down at his best friend. This is bad. The kid's blackout drunk and damn near feral.

"If I want to get fucked so hard they break my goddamn spine I'll do it. If I wannt pick a fight with th'whole goddamn fleet who thinks they're better'n me I fucking will! Fuck the Academy, fuck starfleet, fuck the Chair and fuck both of you. Just. Leave me 'lone."

The moment Spock reaches for Jim he's getting his sleeve grabbed. Jim's fingers are dirty, his grip too-tight were Spock human.

"Don't. Fucking touch me unless you mean business. I'll beat th'shit out of you." Jim snarls. "I don't need...t'be babysat!"