Don't believe in no-win scenarios

Jim Kirk
I predominantly play him post Beyond, but anything from Academy era through the 5 year mission's close and then some is fine. I've read a chunk of the comics for AOS, and have so many AUs for Kirk it's not even funny. If you want to play with AOS Kirk of any flavor, I probably have something for that!


[OOC]
Backtagging: Absolutely!
Threadhopping: I'm all for meeting new people and so the more the merrier.
Fourthwalling: As long as you don't mind Jim sputtering in disbelief that he isn't real, it's cool. I'd rather it was kept for joking or icebreakers rather than instigating, but.
Offensive subjects: I'm pretty open to most things, but I'd prefer anything that gets pretty hardcore violent or graphic be discussed oocly first so everyone knows what's comfortable. I'd also prefer to keep stuff like that in protected threads if possible, so other readers are warned/don't have to see it.

[IC]
Hugging this character: Absolutely.
Kissing this character: Ditto.
Flirting with this character: He's probably doing it to you. Might as well join in!
Sex/relationship/shipping with this character: I prefer to start Gen and let things develop organically especially if we haven't threaded before. It is much easier to talk Jim into a one night stand than it is to romance him. Jim is pansexual.

Ships: I'm here for any and all Spocks or Bones

I'm maybe on most canon mates depending on how things play out though if you're doing Carol be aware that it's gonna end badly. Jim's not about abusing his rank with the crew so the non dept heads would be a lot harder to make work. (No shipping with Pikes, that's Jim's dad figure cmon)

Most other trek cast, cross cannons, or AUs are possible on a case by case basis if it goes that way while we're threading. I lean M/M for anything that is going to be serious but F/M can work with CR.


Fighting with this character: 100 times yes. Jim picks fights with everything.
Injuring this character: Clear it with me and it's probably cool.
Killing this character: Not unless we discuss a way to revive him asap. This one is probably a no, but Jim is no stranger to very near death experiences, so thats a-ok by the player.
Using telepathy/mind reading abilities on this character: He will not like it, but so long as it's discussed the player is fine with it. Jim's living with a lot of baggage. He doens't want anyone to know how messed up he is. The player doesn't care, go nuts.

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. Masterpost for Dragon Age Veilguard AU overflow + psls

Jim blinks.

He's been locked in his own processors again. How long has it been? He turns his auditory sensors back on and immediately wishes he hadn't.

"How fucking hard is it to get a goddamn order right when there's hardly any people sticking around this shithole?" A receipt is being waved in front of his face. Jim has been standing here, shoulders slumped, and completely tuned out while looking appropriately browbeaten while the reporter he's supposed to be assisting complains about the status of his breakfast sandwich.

Jim had pretended to be surprised when his 'boss' had insisted on going to Jojobeans himself for his morning pick-me-up instead of sending Jim out for coffee. Had pretended not to know the ulterior motive the reporter had. Had pretended not to feel smug knowing his contact would never show as he was busy decaying in his precious holiday home. No sign of forced entry. No fingerprints to find. A heart attack, nothing more.

He looks down at his hands.

Bloody. Streaked with soot and flakes of burnt flesh.

Jim blinks again.

Perfectly clean. Wringing in a human expression of discomfort. Curious how his subroutines are working to keep him blended in even when he's...

Malfunctioning.

He was built to walk among them. He is broken, now. But even a broken machine can still serve some purpose.

"We've still got an hour before your first interview of the day." Jim says. "I'll go to the usual spot and get you something."

Does he take out the reporter next? Or attempt to utilize him for more leads? Unwise to kill his direct 'reports'. Even a blind man would grow suspicious of assigning him new temp positions if he did. His fingers twitch without his consent. He will find more deserving targets. He will seek out every person who threatens his kind.

He is broken. But it means he is best suited to commit these atrocities. So no one else like him has to break.

((OOC Note: Part of the Shedding Light series, the preview of which can be read Here from one of the Wronged Party's Points of View. Set a few months back at this point.

Content Warning for this whole series for upsetting imagery, trauma, and body horror. This is gonna be about the consequences of necromancy so you have been warned.))



Sleep hasn't come easily for months.

Not when a cold so much more potent than the biting chill of the mountains poisons Jim Kirk's every subconscious thought. Sometimes it's Harrowheart bloating and rotting in his armor the weaker his enchantments became, plundering the life of the forest they traveled through for any precious minutes of sanity he could buy. Sometimes Isidor's hateful words and bitter tears knife at him while she brandishes magic powerful enough to move mountains, her hand on the Runeblade. He and Stratos crying together in their bedrolls. Sometimes Felix is strangling him, or standing above him with his familiar bristling while it all but foams at the muzzle. Smoke filling Jim's lungs while a demon wearing his brother's smile presses a hefty gem soaked in the blood of mortals just like him into his shaking hands while whispering about the one way to bring Felix back. Sometimes it's Rielle itself with its gaping maw of fetid dark energy that made the living tremble to stand amid its ruins, the letters addressed to Jim or Stratos in all their feverish disarray trying to explain the madness Felix succumbed to in these crumbling walls.

Jim's fought more undead in his dreams than could possibly exist. Has been pulled under into murky algae-thick waters by rotting hands with splintered mails as rasping noises filled his ears and teeth sunk into his flesh. He's been chased down by shambling horrors that should never have been made, but were. How could Felix have made these? How could all of this Wrongness been the brainchild of the man Jim loves so much? Felix must have personally mutilated those bodies before magic allowed him to rearrange the pieces into the monstrosities they faced down amid the sinkholes and collapsed stairs deep within the ruin. So far away from even a hint of daylight.

It comes back to them every time. The Runeblades are at fault for this. Harrowheart's cursed soul repository that sought for themselves a new wielder. They tried to take Felix, they infected him with their madness, THEY TRIED AND FAILED TO CLAIM HIM. The metallic hiss of his name echoes throughout the stoneworks of Rielle.

"James...."

He sometimes thinks he can see glowing eyes following his every move even after Jim wakes before the dream has bled away back into his subconscious completely once more.

If it were just for himself, Captain Kirk wouldn't say anything. He'd suffer through his panic attacks, his night terrors, his PTSD induced nausea and then get up from the floor come Alpha shift and pretend to be a whole man again. He talks to Leonard first. Gets himself something to help him sleep. Jim won't agree to therapy but he can't fall to pieces every night with Felix at his side. He's not the only one with nightmares, either. Even on nights Jim is otherwise fine he'll be woken to curl close and ease Felix through his own remembered terrors. Jim can't give his husband reason to try to leave him behind again once the mage is well. The captain won't let himself be driven away again no matter how much he sometimes wants to grab Felix and demand answers he knows the man cannot give.

So he does what he can.

He's at Felix's side when the man gets his bandages off for good. Comes along for the initial trip to Bruma to go reassure their Uncle and Brother that the treatment Dr. McCoy provided won't be lacking in any magical area. To be support when both men inevitably have their chance to speak to Felix's actions going back to Rielle. Jim does his best to be a good husband. Dutiful. He's there to quietly offer up that Felix chose this foolhardy path in order to spare Stratos or himself from having to face that place again....

Jim's there because he has to be. (Part 2 is here!)

Nothing can ever just be easy, can it?

Felix's foolhardy attempts at secrecy to fix his own mistakes marked only the beginning of the storm that followed. He's recovering well. Thank every one of Felix's gods for that. Jim has spent more nights lying awake tormented by nightmares and what-ifs than he'd like to admit in the days since. Felix probably knows. Jim hasn't exactly been hiding the shadows underneath his eyes nor the amount of caffeine he's started consuming to get through his shifts. Work that is ramping up again on top of old friends calling at the worst time to ask for his help--taking him away from the ship for days at a time.

Somehow Jim manages to keep up. He's stretched thin but he's doing his best to keep the promises he's made to Felix after the Winter Storm. Even if it's under the guise of tending to Felix's own injuries, Jim makes time to eat and to at least attempt sleep curled up with his husband.

Jim's honestly trying.

It's long hours and travel and uncomfortable evenings sometimes of neither he nor Felix knowing what to say but Jim's sticking it out. He cares too much to let things slip back to the way they were after Rielle the first time. He promised he wouldn't run away again.

No matter how tempting it might be. The crew know there's something eating at their captain. Jim's always hated feeling as though he was being coddled or treated delicately. Lieutenant Norn has asked over Felix's well being once or twice but Jim fears he's intimidated the other as that's all but dried up. Hendorff's caught him in the cafeteria and offered to help Jim brush up on his hand to hand. He's learned a lot in the last year and a half from Isidor Durant--enough not to completely make a fool of himself. Jim throws himself into it and just gives in to the outlet for all the pent-up frustration, fear, and anxiety he's been holding on to. Every swing a tear he's held off from shedding, an unkind word he's wanted to speak, a quiet admission that Jim is not as okay as he tells himself.

It's enough to wear him out so the nightmares can't reach him as easily. So he's too tired to be upset.

None of it prepares him for the incoming message waiting for him on his personal device after Jim trudges back to his quarters for the evening after training session. Felix is down in sickbay getting his bandages changed. It's Tiber who chirps in alarm when Jim knocks his mug of coffee off the desk before climbing up to headbutt Jim and make sure his bonded is alright. It's a message from one Commodore Kirk.

Congratulations are in order, I hear. Your brother didn't say anything either, so I suppose I can only be so upset with you.

Your nephew sent a card I've made a holo of attached.

Please call. You've missed a lot.

Love,

Mom

Who knew planning a wedding could be so much work?

It was different when they signed the paperwork in Yorktown the year before. All the work leading up to that had been forging Felix an identity in this universe. Giving him a paper trail that could be found if anyone asked questions about Jim's partner. Giving Felix himself a crash course in the basics of his world, of Starfleet and it's history, and of the things the man would need to know to safely live aboard a ship like the Enterprise-A. That was necessity.

This? This is just exhausting. Every day Felix comes back to the ship looking more and more frazzled (or back to their room in Bruma the nights they stay over to see the Caelus family for dinner and the like) and all Jim can do is rub his husband's shoulders and remind him that they're nearly done now.

It's Stratos who asks first. Will your family be coming? Jim had done his best to brush it off and not ruin their dinner at the time. They don't know about the Nexus. About Nirn. And even if they Did--no, it's impossible. Their concerns were absolutely valid. How would Jim's mother or brother feel to be left out of something like this? If they ever found out. Which they won't, Jim knows that already. He doesn't like the look Stratos gives him even when the Tribune drops the subject.

Jim's turned the question over in his head several times since. Maybe...he could ask some of the crew to come. Half of them know the truth already, or at least most of it. They're his family. Better than even. The family he chose. The family he found.

Alpha shift has come and went without so much as a dust particle out of place and Jim wonders again. If they want him to bring a relative...well. Jim may not be obeying that wish in spirit, but he does know of one person he's related to that he can stand being in the company of.

The captain pulls out his PINpoint and flicks through it.

Hey, it's me. Fancy a rematch?

Yorktown, Starfleet Base.

For the surviving crew of the former USS Enterprise this fragile snowglobe softly spinning out in the black this station transformed from an objective to be protected into a home for the last year. The unexpected break in the crew's five year mission has been a relief for some and an agonizing wait for others. For one man currently weaving through a steady stream of foot traffic for an 'afternoon' commute carrying a dress uniform hat underneath his arm it's been a bit of both columns. He skips the last step outside the Starfleet Command building and offers a distracted but friendly smile toward everyone who greets him.

There's no time for idle chatter today. Especially not with the Tellarite lieutenant who looks as likely to chomp her own tusks in twain if she doesn't get to argue with her commanding officer right this second. It's her way of saying hello but honestly there just isn't the time for it right now. A casual trading of friendly barbs gets him through the entryway without fuss. He keeps a brisk pace through the halls, deflects a rather direct compliment about his dress uniform in record time as he heads for the third floor of the building. Taking the stairs is quicker than waiting for a lift. Crucially, it's also easier to dodge people who would want to chat. An unmarked door at the end of the hall hisses open with his credentials and every head inside turns his way.

"Bones--! You found it! Where..?" Captain James Tiberius Kirk has never been this jittery in all the years Leonard has known him, though he seems to relax incrementally with his best friend once more at his side. Leonard stifles the urge to roll his eyes and huffs the softest of chuckles instead before holding out the hat for Jim to take. The CMO can count on one hand how many times Jim's been in his dress uniform, even fewer times that they both have at the same time.

"Never mind that right now, Jim. You look two seconds away from vibrating right outta yer damn skin. Y'never even brought it to the office. It was in your apartment." Frankly the fact that Leonard H. McCoy is here and not out of breath is damn impressive so far as the good doctor is concerned. He really isn't appreciated nearly enough. Today though, he thinks Jim can be forgiven for it.

"I did advise that you check there first before coming here, Jim." The captain's first in command tuts softly but Bones is convinced there's a quirk of a smile playing at Spock's own blank features as well. None of them are all that accustomed to dealing with Jim like this and it's honestly as much endearing as it is frustrating. Of course, the latter is all either of them will admit to later unless it's to tell on the other. Well, Bones will admit to it. Spock will insist that is the appropriate emotion if Vulcans had them. Which they do not.

"Yeah--I just, I know. Do you know where I put--" Jim's dragging his hand through his hair for the umpteenth time in the last hour. Though Spock is quick to pull his hand away and fix it before tugging the captain's hat on to stop him from fussing with it.

"Right here. Admiral Beckett is waiting."
"To hell with the Admiral, he's keeping Felix waiting."

Bones none too gently nudges Jim toward the door. He and Spock trail behind while they continue on up the hallway and around the corner until the corridor opens up into a quiet lobby with floor to ceiling windows staring out at the entirety of the base below (and above) them. But most importantly, to the outline of the Enterprise-A barely visible from this height in the docking bay below the reflecting pools just outside the building. Two dark haired men stand at the window, one of them pointing out various landmarks while the taller of the two nods with an absent pause between the words murmured into his ear and his reply.

Yorktown is a lot to take in for anyone, but especially for someone who has never before stepped foot on another world. Even the ship and its shape is only the vaguest bits familiar to Stratos Caelus from pictures he's had shared with him. His short time seeing the Enterprise was from within after all. At the time he was more interested in all the space just beyond the hull. Perhaps it's a blessing that space cannot be so easily glimpsed from beyond the artificial sky of Yorktown because this is truly a harrowing culture shock to his system already. He stands in a perfect disguise with all of the same military bearing as the Starfleet officers they've walked by getting up here because it is much easier to close himself off and exist in an overwhelmed fog than it is to try and take it all in right now.

There will be time for questions later.

"Captain Kirk!" The admiral claps a faux leather folder shut at the officer's approach and it's enough to drag Stratos and his brother's attention from the window finally. Stratos doesn't stifle his grin at how sharply Felix turns either. Neither of them even noticed the footsteps approaching, though Jim and his two head officers weren't exactly being quiet. His baby brother in an Earth made suit and tie facing the man they've already told their father would be joining their family.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Admiral." Jim nearly doesn't tear his gaze away from Felix in time to turn that statement toward Beckett. Compared to the man who looks like he's waltzed his way off of a fashion cover, Admiral Beckett is rather much more ordinary. He's a heavier set dark skinned man who could have been broader and more solid than Stratos once before all that muscle softened up with age and a promotion that kept one away from action. Jim closes the distance between them and offers a salute before taking the man's hand in a shake instead once formalities have been dealt with. "I really appreciate you taking time out of your day like this."

"Nonsense, Kirk. It's an honor to be presiding. Your fiancé expressed how important this was to be kept quiet and unassuming until you could have a proper ceremony back home. Your situation being what it is, I think this is probably the easiest course of legal action. I've got the paperwork here. Your IDs checked out, obviously. All that's needed is a signature from each of you with your witnesses present." Beckett opens the folder again and gestures to all of them to gather over at one of the small tables near the windows.

"Your Admiral was telling me all about the proper Starfleet traditions a normal fleet ceremony would have, you know." Felix leans over and nudges Jim in the arm with his elbow before his words fail him at the table. Laid out bare next to Jim's own Identification is his own, each of them with the stamp of clearance resting atop the data in plain ink. His own new life as officially recognized as Jim's own. The marriage licence itself is such a simple thing compared to that but the weight the single document carries...

"What, you want the flags and the saluting and all that pomp and circumstance?" A chuckle escapes Jim slowly without him seeming to realize it's fleeing him in a breathless titter. "Captain James Tiberius Kirk strutted around like a country hen in his gear while you're forced to watch entirely too much tradition and ceremony that has nothing to do with the wedding?"

He nearly drops the pen then, but Spock deftly catches it before it can roll off the table and hands it back to Jim without a word. Leonard nods toward his best friend. Best get on with it.

"Oh gods no. I'd be bored to tears. No offense, Admiral." And Beckett's laugh relaxes the hand Stratos placed on Felix's shoulder for a moment.

"None taken, none taken! If you're marrying Kirk, I already know you're not one to stand on airs and rest on the way things have always been done." He offers then both a warm smile for a sight he certainly never thought he'd get to see. There's always been rumors about Jim Kirk but anyone in command who knows him has known for years the only thing he loves is the job. Not even a love for the endless black can stop a man from seeking company forever.

He looks so much like George Kirk in this moment, all of twenty-four when he married now-Commodore Winona Kirk in their own dress uniforms fresh out of the Academy together. The same glowing smile lighting up the same starlight blue eyes when he passes the pen over to Felix and murmurs something that makes all of them laugh standing around the table. Admiral Beckett takes off his hat and bows his head. George Kirk never got to see his younger son but here he stands with his captain's braids swearing his life to someone with the same fervency George once showed in Jim's mother.

"Is there anything else needed...?" Jim's first officer clasps his hands behind his back and turns a serene face toward the Admiral. A look the man who must be Felix's next of kin meets as he holds back from asking much the same thing if the Admiral had to guess.

"I suppose we ought to let the captain kiss his husband shouldn't we?"

Bones drops a heavy sigh and a groan before the suggestion's even done. As charming of a suggestion as that is, those two do not need any encouragement. He's about to say as much before Spock catches his gaze and shakes his head.

Jim leads Felix away from the table until they're next to the windows. His left hand inches up Felix's neck, fingertips tracing the line of Felix's jaw with reverent softness. With his right hand he slips off his hat as he leans forward and presses the softest of kisses onto his husband. Murmurs the only two words that seem at all appropriate against the mage's lips.

"Welcome home."

Jim hasn't braved an audience with Harrowheart's rune blades since his first visit to the death knight's humble abode. If he had the free time and the liver capacity he'd go and see Harrowheart every day just to shoot the shit and take a much needed load off of his shoulders. It's nice to be Just Jim to some people, but he hasn't been able to stop thinking about that insidious laughter when he was alone in the dark hall.

Has had to lie to Felix about what jars him awake at night before he settles back into bed and stares up at the ceiling.

So he puts it out of his mind. Best as he can. There's so many other things that need his attention. So many deadlines to be met and decisions to be made. Lessons to be crafted and taught. He's wearing himself thin enough that even Jim knows this isn't sustainable for much longer. Thankfully there's not much longer they'll have to wait. In either case his new ship's departure date is steadily approaching and with it Jim's plans will have to be put to the test. His sleep or lack thereof won't make that date come any slower.

But that is the how and why when the what is most important. Jim Kirk is dozing off at his seat with a stack of textbooks detailing the properties of electricity and its application in basic engineering when his arm slips and knocks the largest off the pile to the floor in a clatter that echoes through the near silence of this grandiose space. It jars Jim from his nap and probably spooks the heck out of anyone nearby.

It's been years since Jim was a full time student. A cadet in his reds spending every waking moment studying or making it look like he never studied. Both seemed important to him at the time, even though now it seems like a rather wasted effort of a smartass kid who had a bone to pick with everyone. It hasn't even been a decade since his graduation yet and he already feels a lifetime away from the man who stood in front of Christopher Pike to relieve him of his post on the Enterprise.

Would his old teacher find this Jim Kirk amusing?

Putting together lesson plans and tests to give his fiance to try and catch him up on the basics of living on a space ship like the Enterprise so it would be safe to have him aboard? Spending the off nights carefully measuring herbs and seeds he's ground into dust with the pastes of feathers, fungi, and scales Felix provides as he dutifully studies his alchemy. Felix and he have made something of a competition over it because of course they have. It suits the competitive Jim perfectly. As much of a scholar as he is by his own right nothing motivates him better than trying to prove someone else wrong no matter who it is.

Even if it's the man Jim loves.

For as laid back as Felix can seem there's no denying there's a very specific drive in the Nirnish mage to not be left behind. He's also a voracious scholar but more important than the lessons themselves is the pleasure in smiling so sweetly at his fiance while he tells the other he's lost. Jim Kirk is a proud man. A stubborn man. Getting him into a forfeit round is no easy feat and Felix is always justifiably pleased in lording a victory over Jim. Just a little bit.

Of course the material itself is important as well. For as much of a pain as a 'mandatory cram school' as Jim calls it is, they both know how important this is before Felix soon finds himself immersed completely into Jim's daily life. In return for the hours of reading and questioning, Felix gets to watch Jim sit with his own notes carefully learning Cyrodiilic or dutifully practicing his alchemy. Strictly speaking this part isn't necessary. They're not going to be living in Tamriel after all. Anytime at all the mage comments on it Jim just looks up from his notes with the softest smile on his face.

"I know. I want to. I can't be much of a partner or confidant if I don't learn, after all."

Jim knows it's not enough. They don't talk about the things they should. He's not a mage, he wouldn't understand.There's so much Jim doesn't get and Felix needs someone he can talk to. If not Jim, then who? If Felix Caelus is going to leave his world behind and follow Jim out into the Black, the least the captain can do is educate himself in return. Until he's knowledgeable enough for Felix to open up. They've overcome so much. Jim can't let this stay in the way forever.

There's so much to learn for them both.