smartass_captain | Growing Shadows (open thread, tagging boldygoing for sure)

George Kirk is a Starfleet legend for the Federation. A hero to his crew. A good husband and father to his family, or so Jim Kirk has always been told.

The shadow he cast even in death swallowed Jim up before he was even old enough to understand why his mother cried whenever he smiled a certain way. Refused to look at him or even come back to Earth more than she had to while he was young. He tried to fight it, rebel against it. Baring his teeth. Willing to become the antithesis of George Kirk so long as it meant someone would see him. Anyone. It didn't matter who.

To a young James Kirk even being labeled a criminal was better than being labeled as George Kirk's Son.

Pike ruined all of that. Drug Jim right back into that shadow and told him to embrace it. Encompass it. Dared him to be better. An impossible challenge surely. Every struggle Jim waded through made in the gloom of a reputation he could never hope to live up to. When he finally came out the other side and stepped into the light again a year older than his father ever got to be he was lost. His own accomplishments and reputation stood on their own merit but to what end?

"Dammit, I thought I was past all of this."

Thought he'd moved on since arriving in Yorktown. Found a place all his own that he belonged, no matter what George's reputation was. It turns out self awareness can only go so far. Meeting a Norse God who wears your old man's face isn't the sort of thing he'd been prepared for. He has a pile of ignored PINpoint messages staring accusingly up at him from the screen. Jim's been ignoring people for the last few days since his run in with Thor in the Nexus.

Some people are harder to dodge than others, of course. He picks up the device and starts to rifle through everything he's missed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

From:

smartass_captain

Hey, when you see this give me a reply. We need to meet up somewhere and--"

Talk. But how likely was the younger Jim to reply if he said that? Pretty likely but he'd be anxious as fuck over it. They never asked like that. He tries again.

--and play some chess. Getting my ass handed to me last time isn't sitting well.

From:

boldygoing

In contrast to his older counterpart, Jim has been doing quite a bit better, since his recent heart-to-heart with Hunter. Crisis averted, at least for now, and duty has kept him busy during the rest of his waking hours. He's finally settling into a routine that feels right, even if he's still trying to figure out how to balance Starfleet and his personal time in a way that'll work long-term.

The message comes in towards the end of his shift, in the middle of signing off on some reports, and no one on the bridge gives the captain a second look when he sends a message back, reining in his curiosity. Sure, I should be free in an hour. Your place or mine?

From:

smartass_captain

Jim looks around his apartment with a sigh before getting up and making sure there's nothing that could be a Problem laying around the place. With no reality breaking information just laying around for anyone to stumble across Jim locks his apartment and sends a set of coordinates to his younger counterpart.

Mine. I don't think I can handle being on the ship right now.

From:

boldygoing

That's... certainly fair enough. But Jim knows better than to think this is just a friendly get-together, not if there's chess involved. This could be anything from relationship troubles to end-of-the-world shit, though, so he's not going to freak out until he knows just how bad this is.

He sends back a brief agreement, and as soon as his shift is over and he's in the privacy of his own quarters, he PINpoints to the new coordinates, unsure what to expect but unconsciously bracing himself.

From:

smartass_captain

The windows are all opaqued so Jim won't be able to see outside at the majesty that is Yorktown but he'll feel the simulated gravity all the same the second he touches down in the entryway to his older companion's apartment. Yorktown's architecture is very Starfleet Basic in most cases, which makes sense because it is a base. The apartment might remind Jim more of the Academy dorms (just bigger) than his place in San Francisco.

Furniture's all the bare minimum, though there are a few special additions littered atop it. Stacks of leatherbound tomes that no doubt come from Nirn are stacked on one of the side tables as well as a satchel that smells ever so faintly of pine needles and something earthy. Dried mushrooms, perhaps?

The captain's in his new civvy clothes pulling brand new pieces out of a box. Nothing fancy--definitely something Jim bought off the shelf literally today so they'd have a set to play with. Nothing at all like the old set Jim sued to have or the one his counterpart owns. He'll have to splurge on a good set soon, but there was no time for that today. Seems like he only just realized he didn't have a chess set anymore. Jim looks up from the box when he hears his bearded companion arrive.

"Take a seat, coffee table or dining table. Either's fine." He doesn't seem to have much prepared yet.

From:

boldygoing

It's funny how used to noise the human ear can be, until suddenly it's gone. The absence of the floor rumbling with the faint noise of warp engines stands out to Jim the moment he sets foot in the apartment, even moreso than the architecture and the blacked out windows, jarring like thinking there's one more step on a flight of stairs than there really is. He pauses a moment to get his bearings, the relative silence weighing down on him before he hears that familiar voice, and the set of his shoulders relaxes a fraction.

The newness of the chess set doesn't escape his notice, but he doesn't remark on it, either. Part of Operation Don't Ask is not poking at the obvious aftermath, too. "Coffee table's fine with me." He's still looking around a bit as he finds a comfortable spot to sit, though, taking note of the few personal touches sitting out in the open. It's damn near as sparsely decorated as his apartment back in San Francisco was, after he'd first moved in.

From:

smartass_captain

"Had too much work to do to worry much about decorations, and I sort of thought this wouldn't have lasted as long as it has."

Jim brings everything over to the coffee table and moves aside the stack of data pads and actual paper notebooks Felix has been using for his studies while he tries to learn up on the basics of Jim's world, culture, and Starfleet. "Coffee's ready, hold up."

Just give him a second to set up the board before he goes to fetch drinks and drag a chair over to the other side of the coffee table with Jim sitting on the couch like he is.

"How's the ship?"

From:

boldygoing

"Yeah, I getcha." There's a reason Jim's made a lifelong habit of traveling light, more than one actually, and that's two of them right there. Easier to grab everything and go in a hurry, too; no need to spend hours packing stuff he doesn't really need. Though he can't deny that there's something weirdly nice about finding someplace to put gifts from Hunter, in his own quarters, even if those are building up alarmingly fast sometimes.

He watches the other captain puttering around, trying to get a feel for his mood without making it too obvious he's doing it, a subtlety that's probably completely wasted, to be honest. But if talking shop helps take the edge off, then he's more than content to do so. "She's still running like a dream. We just wrapped up the survey on the Talgus system; Astronomy should have enough data to keep everyone busy for a month, never mind the probes we left to keep an eye on those solar flares."

From:

smartass_captain

There's no hiding that Jim's clearly Shaken over something. It's read in every disorganized inefficient action he's taking while he was getting their area ready. How he wasn't prepared for the game at all and had to go get a board almost as an afterthought. Something big is on his mind and it's definitely bugging him enough to throw him off of his habits.

When Jim finally sits down he's sure to slide a mug over to his companion without prompting before he burns his mouth with his own coffee and pulls the mug away with a swear before he sets it down.

"It's hot." No shit, Kirk, you just grabbed the finished pot. "That's good. Steady work keeps folks happy and..." He turns the board so that white is facing the younger companion, then frowns. Is that right? He doesn't remember whose turn it was.

From:

boldygoing

Jim's starting to get a little alarmed. Something is up, and it's serious enough to rattle the hell out of the other guy, enough to pale his face by a couple shades. Is somebody dead? No, can't be, his companion couldn't tell him if that was the case, right? Unless it's Felix. But... no, as hard as he's fought to bury the memories, he knows how the other Kirk would behave if he thought the mage was dead.

What the hell is going on?

He's aware that he's probably staring, holding his mug up to his lips without drinking it, an endless litany of possibilities nagging at him and none of them seeming to fit. It's on the tip of his tongue to just break the rules and ask, but instead he says, "I think it's your turn to be white." Even if it isn't, the other guy looks like he needs the advantage more, right now.

From:

smartass_captain

"Right, right."

The board is spun round so that white is facing the older captain. He wastes no time in making his opening move either. Whether it's a plan he's had in mind or just impatience is anyone's guess at this juncture. Though he does so nearly pick up his coffee to sip at it again, only stopping when the younger captain quietly reminds him that it's still very hot. Jim looks down at the mug and sets it down with a nod. He knows. He knew that.

Jim won't stop fidgeting.

The game between them is erratic and frustrating to follow. Every time the younger captain seems like he's catching his jittery older counterpart there seems to be a change in direction and strategy. As if Jim's focus is coming in fits and bursts and desperate not to lose despite so clearly having something he wants to say. Tiber bats at the little strips of napkin Jim has been ripping squares off of while they play and rolling it between his fingers just to have something for his hands to do. In all honesty he's rubbed the back of his hands raw and red already so this is likely to stop him from doing that even more.

The whole time the older captain says very little. His small talk has consisted of answering remarks his companion makes, though sometimes it take multiple times repeating before he seems to hear it.

From:

boldygoing

Illogical, unpredictable play styles are one thing. This... this is something else. It’s like his older companion is only there half the time, and Jim has never had a harder time trying to read him, to figure out why. In contrast to the constant twitching across the table, Jim tenses more and more as the game plays on, restrained like he’s waiting for the shit to hit the fan while he’s got no clue just how bad it’s going to be. If this was supposed to help blow off some steam, it’s clearly failing.

It’s near impossible to set up any kind of winning strategy against this kind of random pattern, but neither is the other captain pressing the advantage like he should. Minutes tick away as the pieces on the board dwindle, reducing chances of a clear victory even further until it becomes obvious neither of them is coming out on top.

Jim’s coffee is damn near forgotten, slowly cooling on the table at his elbow, barely touched. He picks it up again and grimaces a little when he takes a sip, though it has little to do with the lukewarm bitterness of it.

From:

smartass_captain - Date: 2018-10-22 09:34 pm (UTC) - Expand

From:

coldsong

Well, if there's anyone who knows about living in the shadow of a family member, it's Loki. He's handled it really really badly, but in a lot of ways the odds were stacked against him from the start, too. If he knew where Jim's mind was at, he might even have some sympathy. A little. Sympathy isn't his strong point.

He doesn't, though. All he knows is that Kirk had an unusually intense reaction to his brother. Jealousy, sure, he gets that. Thor is an impressive physical specimen, and, damn him, he's a genuinely good person, too. (That's the part the really gets to Loki, in the end. If Thor would just be the stupid, reckless, arrogant, entitled brick of meat Loki accuses him of being, he wouldn't be so frustrated.) One doesn't just go pale staring at someone because they're that physically attractive, though. Not in Loki's experience. There is something else there, and he wants to know what.

The text comes in from a PINpoint number, one that is unfamiliar to Jim:

Are you free to speak with me? It is not a matter of immediate importance, but I would request your advice regarding my brother.

A break between messages. Then:

My apologies. This is Thor.

From:

smartass_captain

The new text doesn't really catch Jim's attention until he realizes it's from an unknown number. Immediately he's sitting up straighter in his seat, skimming over the contents of the text with narrowed eyes. The fierceness shatters apart completely when he sees the accompanying message, twisting into a sick panic at the screen.

How did he get Jim's number? Why him?? No, he doesn't want to talk to Thor. Thor is the reason he's having these goddamn spiraling thoughts in the first place. The captain sits over his PINpoint for several minutes. He might be able to find some answers as to who this guy is if he agrees though. More importantly if he refuses Thor may run into his counterpart in the Nexus and assume they're one and the same.

That would be every kind of bad. His younger self has enough shit on his plate right now.

Sure thing. Meet up at Crossroads? It's the bakery I sent you guys to last time. I can be there in fifteen minutes.

From:

coldsong

Yes, a fine place. I enjoyed their krumkaker!

Hopefully they will not be dismayed to see me back so soon. I will await you there.

Loki wasn't paying full attention to what exactly Thor ate when they were there, but he did a pretty good number on the place's stock and Loki himself enjoyed the krumkaker, so it's a safe bet his brother did, too. He is sure the staff at the place will remember the broad-shouldered tower of muscle that threatened to empty the bakery case.

He's wearing Thor's form, of course, before he even gets close to the building. The eyepatch is a new wrinkle; he doesn't like it. He can see through his own illusions, as needed, but for some reason, the weight of it sits heavy on his face. It must be psychosomatic; seiðr is, in actuality, lighter than air.

When Jim arrives, he will see Thor at a table with a cup of coffee and a plate that's heavily-loaded with croissants, danish, and whatever else Loki could find that looked like something that would catch Thor's eye. He has no intention of eating most of it; his appetite is not a match for his brother's, ever. Still, he's paid and will tip like any good guest of an establishment should. Maybe he'll bring the sweets to Thor later, or give them away in the Nexus.

He beams when Jim appears, standing up at his chair. It's more the smile of greeting Thor would have offered in the old days, before Loki fell, before so many sad and terrible things happened to them. Maybe the trickster's performance is a little rusty, but his quarry has no way of knowing that. "Thank you, friend. I appreciate you agreeing to meet me here. Will you drink?"

He gestures to his coffee.

From:

smartass_captain

The owner of the cafe is a lanky Japanese man who will greet 'Thor' with a reserved smile that really doesn't do justice to just how excited he is to find a customer who appreciates so many different variety of sweets and baked goods. Katsuya will be sure to make the offer to box up anything he's not going to eat now for ease of carrying and sharing later. Or not--he did see just how much the god ate last time they were at the establishment.

It's a smile that diminishes slightly when Jim walks in. Turns a touch frosty and more businesslike and normally Jim would return the look but right now he's too busy holding in the mother of all grimaces at the warm greeting Thor is giving him.

James T. Kirk never got to see his father smile at him like that. Or at all. But he's seen that smile in holos, in photographs of his family from before he was born. For just a moment he feels tears prick at his eyes before Jim's biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to nearly taste blood and gathering his wits about him. He needs to do this. Needs to find out more about this so called god.

Thor is not George Kirk, and Jim needs to cement that in his head for his own sanity as much as anything else.

"Sure. I'll get us refills. How do you take it?" However it's requested Jim will buy them drinks though he takes his own straight up black and takes a seat across the table. "I'm surprised you came to me, honestly, though I imagine with just getting here you didn't really have much for options." How did he get Jim's number to begin with? So many questions and his is an ever moving mind.

From:

coldsong

Goodness. Again, a more intense reaction than Loki expected. Were he a better person, he might feel some pity here. It is an effort to read thoughts, but it is not an effort to sense emotions, not in a human. They all but project them; it seems to be a species trait. There are exceptions, of course, and then there are a brilliant few--like the Natasha Romanoff he encountered--who are able to feel sorrow, guilt, horror, able to project them, and yet dissociate from them and operate flawlessly through the experience. Jim Kirk appears to be attempting to control and work around his feelings, but they seem to be a weak point nonetheless.

It will take a little time to work out why this face prompts that sorrow, he imagines. Even a human unaccustomed to the supernatural will notice if his thoughts are rifled through too roughly. Care and patience are imperative.

"Well," 'Thor' answers, leaning back in his seat in such a way as to make the legs creak with protest. Asgardian body tissues are more dense than they look. He's well over 600 pounds of muscle. Loki is only a hair over 500, but a challenge for standard-issue furniture even at that rate. "As I said, it's more a matter of my brother than myself. He is a schemer--I care for him dearly, of course--but his reach has been known to exceed his grasp. The version you met is not, as I understand, from my world. Indeed, he is from a short while in the future, as compared to me. But he has taken it into his head to assist me in any way necessary."

Such warmth and loyalty from baby-brother Loki! Such tender generosity. What a good sibling he is!

Thor looks troubled. "He has concerns about the longevity and suitability of our vessel. I know not, for he will not tell me, why he frets so. Possibly his own Thor and our people ran across some difficulties and he does not wish to burden me with fear of a dark fate. Someone, a young woman, mentioned the Enterprise to him in casual conversation,"

This is, in fact, true, and while he won't be using the tidbit of information quite the way she intended, he's grateful to her for the tipoff.

"And he has skill in ferreting out information, particularly since you yourself mentioned Starfleet. He understands you to be in command of a vessel better suited to carrying a large population than our own. He will not tell me what he plans to do with that information, and Loki..." Sigh.

"His plots can be grandiose and fanciful, but he might honestly consider anything from barter to outright piracy a fair course of action if the lives of our people are truly at stake."

From:

smartass_captain

A little brother who schemes and gets in over his head, you say? For all the pain Jim is trying so desperately to cover up with a stoic facade of calm and in control he seems to be somewhat relieved of it at this description. Jim knows someone who fits that description perfectly, someone very close to him in fact. As depressed as seeing ghosts of his dead father in the man before him makes the starship captain nothing can lift his spirits quite like being reminded of Felix Caelus even such a small way as this.

The next smile Jim offers is much more sincere, though it is somber. The subject at hand is a cry for help at best and a thinly veiled warning of a threat at worst after all.

"Yeah, I'm from a time and place where space travel is not only common but essential. Where humans are a prominent part of the Galactic stage. Ships are...I know ships." Better than most even considering his position. Engineering was always a favorite subject of his back at the Academy. "His first stop should honestly be the Nexus. If anywhere's got a place with a for-hire staff who can help fix up a ship at the drop of a hat it would be here."

He's sure Scotty and Chekov would love to take a look at another ship too but for a man Jim Kirk barely knows it's best not to tell just how much he's willing to do or help with just yet. The word 'piracy' hangs in the air. Jim understands though. When it comes to looking out to you and yours, there's a level of desperation at play. Just as he will look out for his own.

"If you have schematics of the ship or any questions about how to improve it or what to look for though I wouldn't mind at least taking a look. Seeing if your world does ships the way mine does or not."

From:

coldsong

Loki is listening, weighing and considering every flicker of body language, every change of expression, every bit of emotion Kirk projects. It's downright startling to realize the description of himself he's just given sparks such warm thoughts. Not for Loki himself, of course--that would be abnormal. But for someone of a similar temperament and bent of mind.

That's almost charming.

"Sometimes," the false Thor admits slowly, "I think he chooses illicit methods for achieving his goals even when simpler options exist. For amusement's sake. But your suggestion is good, if I can get him to see that."

He picks up a pastry and turns it in his fingers a moment before taking a bite. And that is not a particularly Thor-like habit, but Loki is thinking on multiple tracks at once. "I do not carry schematics, but I can obtain them easily enough."

Right. It's best Loki go ahead and address the elephant in the room before painting himself into a corner, which is a terrible mix of metaphors, but seems appropriate to the Nexus anyway. "I'm grateful to find you so willing to help. I had thought, perhaps, I offended you in some way at our last meeting. You left in a hurry."

From:

smartass_captain

"Have some faith in him. If he cares about your people the way you say, then he'll come through." Seems like a universal constant that little brothers get their intentions questioned. Their efforts under appreciated. Jim doesn't pretend to know this Loki, but as a fellow little brother he feels like he has to add in the remark either way. "I can understand your situation. If I can help I'd like to."

It won't stop him from keeping an ear to the ground. Threats against his world must be taken seriously after all. But he's not going to to look to harass Thor's brother simply from hearsay. This time the comment makes Jim clench his jaw and fist at his side tighter but otherwise he doesn't allow himself to react. The shock has more or less worn off, leaving a pervasive ache in its place and that is a pain Jim Kirk is no stranger to. He can ignore it long enough to get through the meeting.

"You...no. That's not. That's not your fault. You surprised me is all. I thoguht you were...someone else for a moment."

From:

coldsong

Do what? Have faith in him? Oh, well done, Jim Kirk; you're really challenging Loki's ability to cling to this role he's selected. Part of him wants to laugh out loud, and another part wants to read out a litany of his own sins just to make sure the other man knows exactly who and what he's talking about. Neither of those are things Thor would do, though. He keeps his recriminations light, as if Loki's worst deeds involved stealing the last piece of pie, not threatening the lives of millions.

It's an effort to keep his expression neutral. Hopefully it comes across as pensive rather than shocked or grim. Apparently they're shaking one another up in this conversation, though, and the sight of Kirk clenching his jaw is enough to remind Loki of what his goal in prompting this chat was.

"Someone important to you?" He ventures to guess, and his one visible eye is cool and analytical. "Someone no longer present in your life."

A loss, then. He's guessing, extrapolating based on what he sees and senses, but he doesn't doubt his guess. He looks back into his coffee cup, sparing the other man the piercing stare. "A strange quirk of the multiverse, then, to provide the same face for different people."

From:

smartass_captain

"...Sort of. It's kind of difficult to have someone you've never met be important to you in the sort of sense most people think."

But Thor's come out here and is concerned enough to make Jim feel bad for how he's been acting. It's not the Asgadrian's fault that Jim's got every kind of hangup when it comes to the other's looks. One a lot easier to deal with than the other. He wishes it was just a shallow vanity issue. It would be easier to stomach. Instead he withdraws a slim glass device from the inner pocket of his uniform and calls up the public domain bio on George Kirk before handing it over. It's easier than talking about it overmuch.

"My father." A hero of Starfleet who died at the captain's birth. The savior of the Kelvin. Like Loki, the man who wears this face has cast an impossibly large shadow for his relation to be living in. Just, a son in this case.

From:

coldsong

Now they're getting somewhere, and Loki finds it's not quite the where he feared it might be. He dusts his hands free of pastry crumbs and accepts the device carefully. The flicker of surprise that crosses 'Thor's' face is not feigned. That's not just a resemblance, it's as if someone made a mold of Thor and carried it off to Jim's world to be used to create a duplicate.

"That certainly explains a lot," he says mildly, in Thor's voice, and reads through the information twice, thoroughly, searching for further nuance.

He has a vague sense he should feel guilty about provoking this. He can't be completely unsympathetic to a man with issues related to his parentage. He can't be unsympathetic to loss and 'what might have been', and he can't be unsympathetic to spending one's life in a bright shadow. "That is not me," he says quietly, in Thor's voice, in case that was in doubt. "I have no connection to this man that I am aware of, for whatever that's worth."

Theoretically some sort of weird cross-universe hereditary link is possible, but it sure isn't probable. (Norns, what if it were, though? What if Loki were talking to his great-great-great grandnephew or something right about now? He would have to feel very sorry for Kirk, in that case.) "A peculiar coincidence," he says gently, handing back the tablet. "I have no explanation. However--"

Once the device is out of his hand, Loki decides to drop the illusion, shimmering green-gold and dwindling to his own normal shape. "Perhaps this face will make you more comfortable conversing. It's me, not Thor, but you must understand: I had to know. Thor always sees the best in people. I do not. But I am satisfied that in this case, my concerns were unfounded."

Surprise! This probably seems like a real dick move to Kirk, Loki assumes. But he's not going to apologize. He has, as always, his own reasons.

From:

smartass_captain

"My old man didn't talk like you do. Nor did he have your kind of stature." No doubt the Kelvin tragedy would have gone a lot differently if his father had been some kind of God. It's such a ridiculous thought that Jim has to swallow a laugh. It wouldn't be one of humor so much as hysteria and James T. Kirk is stronger than this. Than the ghosts standing in front of him who are and are not important to him.

"Like I said, it's not your fault. I'm just--?!" Jim takes back the data pad with a furrow of his eyebrows but whatever he was saying dries up when Loki reveals himself. He doesn't drop the device but it's a near thing. He's seen this kind of magic before. Felix's brother is a strong wielder of it but never has Jim seen an illusion done so easily as though it cost Loki nothing more than a breath to command and discard at a moment's notice.

"I..." What the fuck. "What the Fuck?"

It's a good thing he's already sitting down.