smartass_captain | The Academy AU for sensors

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snw spock

The Academy AU for sensors

The night Sam Kirk walks into the Kirk family farmhouse his little brother throws a fucking beer bottle at his face. He misses. If he'd hit, the next several years might not have happened.

Jim is twenty years old and his life is a fucking mess.

He's no longer in the goddamn hospital every other month, but still in mandatory therapy until he ages out of the system on his 21st birthday. His therapist has worked with him since. Well. Since he got mandated one by the University of Iowa's children's hospital when they brought him home and nursed him back from the brink of being starved to death. Sam isn't here about Tarsus though. He's here because he heard little Jimmy just got out of a stint in county for petty theft.

Why's a guy stealing bread in this day and age? Jim doesn't give him a satisfactory answer. He can't. There isn't one. He'd been better until he'd left his personal device at home for a weekend boke trip. Without his meal schedule Jim can't function. But see, his body doesn't tell him when he's hungry anymore either, so Jim hadn't noticed until it was day three and he started hurting. All sense left him. Next thing he knows he's sitting in a jail cell being watched while he eats the food they gave him because anyone can see Jim Kirk is still too thin. Jim hates it. That look of fucking pity.

He was home and on his fourth beer of the evening when his fucking older brother strides in like he hasn't been gone for the last damn near decade of Jim's life.

"Sober up. I want you to come into town with me tomorrow and take a test." Sam had said. Jim thinks he told his brother to fuck off. He thinks he tried, but he might have stormed off so the other didn't see him break down into tears. He dodges Sam for three days before they bond over noon breakfast talking about when their mom finally found out about and ditched Frank. Sam asks where Winona sent him then, since neither of them believes for a second she stayed Earthside to raise him herself.

Jim lies.

But the lie works. And so he lets Sam drive them into town chattering the whole time about Starfleet. He wants Jim to take an aptitude test. If he passes, well. Dear ol' big brother's gonna whisk him away to San Francisco so they can enlist together. Sam got in, you see. Second attempt, so maybe Jimmy won't be going with him Right away.

"Jim." Jim corrects him. He's toying with the idea of maybe letting Sam talk him into this, but he's not forgetting the last damn near decade so easily. Not forgiving it yet, either. He tells himself he'll take the stupid test to shut his brother up. And hell, maybe he'll even beat his 'big bro' and pass on a first try. He aces it, hangover and all. Sam seems real keen on congratulating himself for giving Jim pointers the last couple days and Jim doesn't argue much.

A change of scenery seems like a decent idea.

All he wants to take fits into a single duffel bag he tosses into the back of Sam's beater of a truck and they make for San Francisco...

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They argue about it a little on the way to the Thai place. Jim settles into his chair on one side of the small table having barely looked at their surroundings so drawn into the conversation is he.

And well.

Argue isn't the right word. Jim can't even begin to start before Spock is factually pointing out reasons Jim could perform well in Command. And the thing is? Of all the options Jim presented to himself, if he considers it without the baggage of his old man...Command's where he wants to be. Where he thinks he could do the best. Jim just hadn't wanted to admit that to himself. Spock makes it easier. Soon the idea isn't Spock taking science classes and Jim regulations. It's Jim on a ship, in that chair, with Spock serving as a Science officer. He knows without a doubt Spock could get himself to that spot.

Could Jim get himself into the Chair?

A challenge. Jim sets a confident smile on his face. He can't let Spock show him up, can he? He'll do it. Soon the conversation shifts to the papers they'll have to write. To hurrying to get back to their dorm so they can look at the potential classes they can slot into instead of the ones they wish to leave.

The heat of the room hits Jim in the chest when they walk in. He laughs a little in his startle, having forgotten that they cranked it up. He disappears for a quick shower before dropping himself at his desk in just his underwear while he begins searching up reference material on his PADD he wants to include in his paper.

"Hell, after having to explain myself to you all evening, the paper almost feels like it'll be easy." Jim says, one corner of his mouth curling up into a smirk. "I'm gonna knock this out before bed while it's all fresh in my brain."

He forgets in his focus to try to look any more enticing than he may already sitting at his desk and working. The paper first. The classes he ought to be in. A clear goal in mind even if it'll take come coming around on. And the reward in the back of his mind for getting through all of this? Seated on the other side of the room. He's gonna kiss the hell out of that Vulcan to celebrate, just see if he doesn't.

It feels... Right to be sitting across a table from Jim Kirk debating. Spock is gratified by the mutual conclusion at the end of their meal and tells Kirk such.

He feels more confident than he has in a long time, or ever, to know that he has helped influence Kirk to where he is both best suited and will be happiest. He is born to captain not because of his father but in spite of him on his own merits.

The room is much, much more comfortable when they return, and Spock cards his glance toward Kirk's shocked laugh, about to offer the 'happy medium' again as Kirk realizes just how warm it is going to be, but the upset never comes. He simply leaves to shower and returns in the state of dress he will be most comfortable in.

Undress.

In any case he studiously, as always, does not let his gaze linger (while Kirk is looking at him) and goes for his own shower. He is not quite so unclothed when he emerges, but he is in simply loose pants and light short-sleeved shirt, the most dressed down Kirk will have ever seen him.

He sits at his own desk to work, but as they do, the image of Kirk as he currently is while he discusses the paper with Spock sits with him and sits with him and sits with him. He keeps resolutely turned toward his screen so that Kirk cannot see the very slight flush that splashes across his cheeks.

It is good like this, however. Spock is happy. He believes Jim Kirk to be happy and engaged as well, which is satisfactory.

He will simply meditate tonight to situate his thoughts and pull them gently away from peeling the last piece of clothing from Kirk's body and pinning him to the mattress.

And he does! It does not help, but he does.

Their papers are turned in promptly; there will be a day to process them before announcing the verdict, but Spock is confident it will go in their favor.

This is what he is on a call with T'Pring about in that interim day, in their dormitory in his dressed-down state and allowing her to go over the list of courses Spock has picked from the options to take and offer her opinions as a second set of (Vulcan) eyes.

The call is nearing its conclusion, though, and T'Pring informs him, utterly deadpan, that her mother sends her regards.

"Your mother has made her dislike for me clear since before we bonded," he replies, an extremely dry statement of fact, "and as such her regards are her relief that I have left Vulcan. You may also give her the regard of my satisfaction from not being on the same planet as her. I trust you to relay the message as given."

And then, with a slight tilt of his head reserved for people Spock holds at least a measure of affection for, he adds, "I have found our conversation illuminating and engaging. Thank you, T'Pring. I will contact you again when our schedules allow."

And that is the end of the call; Spock hangs up and returns to his work.

Jim's gone bright and early the next morning to go and support his brother and Bones for their first hour flight sims. Neither one of them is either very good or enjoys the simulations so he's ready for it to be stressful. Just not quite as stressful as it ends up being. Even by the time he gets there Bones and Sam are working each other up into even more bad moods talking about all the dangers of spaceflight and (in Sam's case) bemoaning why they need to know how to do this at all if they're going to be in labs all damn day.

Working on research papers. Jim's offering of coffee only seems to make things more tense as the pair are now caffeinated and pissy, but at least Jim's got a cup to see him through. Bones has to get his legs to stop shaking after long enough to drag himself off to the clinic for a shift, so Jim hauls Sam out to a cafe to calm down once the whole ordeal is over.

He asks Sam to look over his paper thinking that, you know, flight stuff might not be Sam's forte but the man loves his papers. Jim and he have talked at length about the kind of stuff Sam is genuinely interested in and while Jim's never going to get the same kind of pleasure from it his older brother will he is genuinely glad to see the man finding his place. He wants to do the same, you know?

But when Sam looks it over, the expression he's giving Jim is incredulous more than appraising.

"You want to go into Command? Seriously??"

The words dig harder because Jim's surprised to hear them. He thought he'd done a pretty good job explaining his intended path through the Academy in his own words. But that's not what Sam's asking. And Jim squirms in his seat.

"Yeah. I think I'd be good at it."

"Like it's that easy."

"Wh-No, obviously not. This isn't a paper to say why I should have a ship now, Sam. It's about why I should be allowed to test into higher classes to prepare me to get there." Classes at a higher level than what Sam is taking. That would put Jim out of the Academy before he graduates. His baby brother who rolled up to his aptitude test hungover and still managed to ace everything. Because apparently Jim just doesn't have to try at anything.

Just shows up and has it handed to him on a silver platter.

"Spock and I were talking about it last night and he thinks--"

"You really think the Vulcan knows what it's like out there for us? What it'll mean for You to have to smile and nod for every goddamn admiral who wants to talk to you about Dad??"

"His name is Spock, first off, and Yes like I said, I was chatting him up about it."

"Course you were chatting him up. I'm telling you that's a waste of time."

They're still fussing on the way back to Jim's dorm. No longer arguing exactly. Sam's upset and Jim can't for the life of him figure out why.

"If you didn't want to look over my paper in the first place you should have just said so." Sam doesn't say anything at that and Jim makes a disgusted sound in the back of his throat before they walk the last floor in silence so Jim can go pick up the books he needs to return from his room and hit up the library. He's so distracted being annoyed at Sam that he doesn't think to announce himself when he opens the door to catch Spock dressed down in a way he only Ever is when he's comfortable talking with a hot Vulcan lady.

He's pretty sure he hears Sam choke behind him at the snippet of conversation they overhear.

If Sam's needling about Jim's plans hurt, Spock not telling him that he was fucking engaged takes all the fire out of him. He stares down at his bed for several seconds. How did everything get so fucked in less than a day? He scoops up the books he wants off his desk.

Shoves them into his pack.

"Going to be studying, don't wait up for supper." Jim calls out over his shoulder as casually as he can manage. He steps back out into the hallway and seals the door.

"You're trying to sleep with a guy who's engaged, huh?" Sam finally asks after they get back into the dormitory lobby. Jim glares at him but that one, he figures, he deserves.

"Nope." Jim replies with extra emphasis on the P. "News to me."

"Hey, better to find out before you waste time, right?" Sam tries to console even though he's kind of shit at it. Jim shrugs. Maybe it doesn't matter to his baby brother after all.

"Yeah, sure. I'm gonna head to the library." While the original intent was to find a few new books and come back, now? Jim thinks it's time to spend some time away from the dorms for a while. Go find a drink or seven.

Ah yes, he thinks to himself while he wanders campus. Nearly forgot what it was like for that other shoe to drop. Every goddamn time...

Spock should have heard them coming. He was too engaged in his conversation with T'Pring, however, and by the time he turns to greet Kirk (and note that the elder Kirk (derogatory) is present), he is already shoving books into his bag and leaving. There is something strained in him that is not normally present around Spock and Kirk does not even give him time to speak before he is gone.

Spock is, frankly, mystified. However, he attempts to attribute it to human fluctuations in mood and the fact that Kirk and his brother often seem to be at odds with one another.

Something about it is off, but he forces himself to not think about it as he continues his studying, eats alone (which he has not done in weeks now), and goes to bed.

He is in what amounts to fitful meditation when he receives a call; it being from Doctor McCoy and the time of night both make something clench tight in his side; the explanation does not help in the least, but Spock hurriedly dresses and heads out to meet both McCoy and Kirk to assist in getting everything sorted out, hopefully before any faculty notice.

It is chilly for anyone out, but extremely cold for a Vulcan—Spock forgot a jacket in his rush, but it does not matter. What matters to him is Kirk.

It's an odd scene, and not a good one.

Dr. McCoy appears to be stone cold sober trying with mixed success to drag Jim back to the dorms. And Jim? Is a fucking mess. It doesn't help that he absolutely does not want to be touched by McCoy and has ended up toppled over into the grass after his latest little fish flop got him out of the doctor's grip.

"Fer fuck's sake Jim, you need t'let me see you--"

"Fuck off!" Jim half slurs, half groans. The ground is spinning. "Didn' assssk you t'show up."

He reeks of cheap rum and of sweat and blood. His face is bruised. His knuckles bloody. Someone must have contacted Leonard and the doctor? Contacted Spock.

For just a moment, Spock feels cold but not because of the temperature.

The smell of rum, sweat, and blood is strong enough to his nose that Spock actually cannot help wrinkling it slightly before he forces his expression to return to normal.

He shoots McCoy a look, who returns it with worry and exasperation in his face. Spock crouches on the grass next to Kirk, brows knit tightly. "You require medical attention. As you have previously stated that Doctor McCoy is the medical professional you prefer when needed, it would be preferable for you to allow him to do so."

He knows that reasoning with an inebriated person does not work. He does not enjoy entertaining paths of action he is aware of the certain failure of; however, he will at least be able to say he attempted to before simply bodily hauling the human off of the ground.

And for the fair warning:

"Should you continue to refuse, I will be forced to move you myself."

Bad enough that Leonard of all people has to see Jim like this. Had to haul his ass out of the bar before Jim ended up fighting the whole damn place after the first bastard earned it. Jim knows he's a hypocrite. That he's kept Bones from doing the exact same thing he's doing now and he hates it. He hates that instead of being mad at him Bones is trying to help.

No one tries to help.

Sam's words dig underneath Jim's skin. HIs breath comes out in a broken sob. Just one. Because then Spock shows up and Jim fucking breaks. His fingers dig into the grass, pulling musty wet earth scents up to the surface for something to grip tight to. He strangles his breath in his chest.

Feet in his vision. Jim knows those lightweight linens. Spock hadn't even gotten dressed to come out here.

Why? Why are they being Nice to him??

Pity. The word comes up unbidden from where Jim's pushed aside his problems the whole time he fled from them in Iowa to come running to Starfleet. Like the jailer standing over him in his cell watching to make sure he ate every last bite of his meal.

Fucking Pity.

Because they know Jim doesn't belong here. That this is all he is and they feel Bad to see him slam himself against the walls. Sam tried to tell him, tried to remind him of who and what he is. He's not cut out for this. And if he stays with Leonard and Spock who are so fucking brilliant he'll only weight them down.

"Mind y'r own business." Jim hears himself growl out. He doesn't want to do this. Doesn't want to be here. Doesn't want to be seen. But they are. Jim is. "What t'fuck would you know about any of this?"

"Don't listen to him--" Bones shoots at Spock before sighing down at his best friend. This is bad. The kid's blackout drunk and damn near feral.

"If I want to get fucked so hard they break my goddamn spine I'll do it. If I wannt pick a fight with th'whole goddamn fleet who thinks they're better'n me I fucking will! Fuck the Academy, fuck starfleet, fuck the Chair and fuck both of you. Just. Leave me 'lone."

The moment Spock reaches for Jim he's getting his sleeve grabbed. Jim's fingers are dirty, his grip too-tight were Spock human.

"Don't. Fucking touch me unless you mean business. I'll beat th'shit out of you." Jim snarls. "I don't need...t'be babysat!"

Speaking of words digging under someone's skin, what Kirk says feels like thorns, knives, cutting deep; McCoy's reassurance does not help though Spock appreciates the attempt.

And Kirk just keeps going. Spock is not sure what caused this breakdown, what made Kirk react like this, or what is making him attempt to push them away.

"We will not be leaving you alone," is what he says just before Kirk grabs his arm. Spock's eyes flick down to his fellow cadet's hand. "What they think has no bearing on the truth of your worth, Cadet Kirk." It has been a long time since he tacked Cadet on either verbally or mentally, but he is compartmentalizing very quickly all at once in ways he has not had to since childhood. He is trying to take into account that Kirk is deeply intoxicated, that he likely will not remember what he is saying. However, for Spock, when people say things to him, they mean them.

He has still not fully grasped the ease with which humans lie.

"You will also not be, as you say, 'beating the shit out of' me. Should you desire to not be 'babysat,' you must act in ways that do not require it." His voice is quiet and clipped, but not cold.

"Both of us together should be able to drag his ass back inside," McCoy says, and Spock nods sharply once before adjusting his position in order to get a proper grip on Kirk to haul him up to his feet despite the way the human is still gripping to his arm. Even through the fabric of his sleeve, Spock can feel echoes of intense, jumbled emotions through transference—he does not understand them.

"It would be preferable if you would comply."

"Careful--" Bones murmurs as Spock hauls Jim up.

"Fuckin'...hate you both--!" Jim slurs. He tries to take a swing once he's on his feet but he misses by a good half a foot because Leonard knows better. The doctor knows better than most that Jim can really go nuts in a brawl if he feels trapped. Spock's not going to let Jim struggle though.

The only thought in Jim's head right now is Not letting his voice break. If he starts sobbing he's not going to stop.

It's probably for the best to stop him from making this worse.

Indeed, Spock is not going to let Kirk struggle. He has not been this upset or angry in a very, very long time, but he does not lash out even though he illogically feels as though Kirk saying he hates them (hates Spock) has reached into his side and ripped his heart out. He does not lash out, he does not lash out, he does not lash out—

—Spock says nothing, but he does shift his hand enough to apply a nerve pinch and then catches his dead weight as soon as Kirk is out.

Then he straightens, hauling Kirk up with him and over his shoulder like he weighs nothing, and gives McCoy a nod so that they can get him inside, treated, and put to bed.

McCoy is, unfortunately, able to see the brief flash of hurt in Spock's eyes before he shutters it away behind what appears to be cold indifference.

"I will leave him to your care once we have taken him inside." Because he needs to step away. Needs to be alone. Needs to be where no one will see it if he breaks down.

Even more illogically, he finds that he desires to be in his mother's presence.

"Well. That solved one problem." Leonard growls out around a frustrated sigh. He'd be more mad and asking Spock what the hell he did but to be honest? Whatever he did Jim deserved and worse given the man's trying to fight them both while being three sheets to the wind. "I appreciate ya coming out, despite...this."

It's damn clear he wouldn't have been able to get Jim inside without knocking the man out like Spock had and he probably would have earned a black eye or worse for his trouble being in Jim's flailing range.

Spock doesn't answer. Leonard kind of expected that.

Great. Now He needs a drink dealing with all of this and can't have one. Spock's really fucked up about all of this which Bones didn't even know was possible. And Jim...mad as Bones is at the kid, he didn't run off to go and get himself hurt for no goddamn reason.

"Yeah I'll put him in my room for th'night. Keep an eye on him." Not like Bones is going to get a lick of sleep while he's worried if his best friend's given himself alcohol poisoning or taken anything worse than shitty rum. Thankfully, Leonard rooms right next door to Jim and Spock. He knows the security for their room by now, so Spock's free to leave while Bones gets Jim cleaned up, put into sleepwear, and checked over.

By the time he finishes, it's about an hour before dawn and there's been no sign of Spock in the room. Leonard scoops up the man's jacket and heads on out to find the other goddamn infant caught up in all of this. His quiet Andorian room-mate is keeping an eye on Jim while he heads out.

Someone's gotta take care of these two.

"I care for his well-being. It was logical to assist." Spock says it stiffly as he sets Kirk down where he is instructed to, and then nods. "I thank you for ensuring his safety."

After that is when Spock leaves. He does not return to the dormitory, instead stepping out into the cold in the hopes that it will cause him to be unable to focus on anything else. It is foolish and irrational, but he is not thinking about that just now.

He does not keep track of how long he sits out in one of the gardens, looking up at the stars—looking at Vulcan's presence in the night sky. He has never felt homesick until this very moment.

At one point he notes the dirt remaining on his sleeve and does his best to brush it off. He wonders, bitterly, why Sybok would ever want to loosen the reins on his emotions if it becomes possible to feel like this with no recourse.

Not that attempting to meditate helps, of course.

It is almost dawn before McCoy finds him and Spock's expression is at least back to its baseline; the hurt has left his eyes. So has the softness, however, that normally lingers in the corners.

"It is late, Doctor. Or early, depending on which way you consider the timing." An observation: McCoy at least should be getting rest while he is able. Spock is able to go far longer than a human without rest; his health will not suffer from a single night of brooding.

"Sure is." Leonard agrees. He reaches over and drapes Spock's jacket over the closest arm to him. Then slaps down a pair of gloves. Those are His, but he didn't see any on Spock's desk and wasn't about to go rooting around the man's things after everything else he's had to deal with tonight.

"Jim mentioned you don't do well in the cold. Put this on." It's not a question.

Leonard doesn't sit on the other side of the bench. At least not right away. While it's objectively true that until this moment they were both Jim Kirk's closest friends, they haven't exactly spent much time Together. Much less without Jim there as a buffer.

"This your first time dealing with a drunk? Human or otherwise?"

"He was correct in stating so." Dry.

Normally, Spock might have some kind of pithy comment in response to the Not A Question. However, he is stung and raw enough that he simply puts his coat on. The gloves give him longer pause—sharing gloves is an extremely, hopelessly intimate gesture for Vulcans, all things considered. He is aware that is not the case with Terrans, but it still leaves him overwhelmed in a different way than he had already just been.

Spock puts the gloves on.

"No. However, Vulcans in an overwhelming majority deal with being inebriated very differently. And while I have witnessed intoxication in humans since my arrival on Earth, I have not had to closely interact with the concept previously." So: Yes and no.

"That oughta make you feel a little better Physically." The doctor has his own hands tucked into his pockets. It's cool out, but nowhere near Cold yet. Cooler than Leonard would like as a Southern boy but he'll manage.

After Spock explains, Leonard lets that linger in the air for a good solid minute. Just lets Spock take in the fact that he's not alone out here. That Leonard is clearly not here to take Jim's side or something. "Alright, first things first. He doesn't Actually hate you. Either of us." Bones starts. He's looking out across the gardens rather than up at the stars or at Spock.

"Ain't gonna make excuses for the kid. He was outta line. But he doesn't hate you, and if he'd actually managed to hit either one of us I think he'd have never forgiven himself. Don't rightly know what's gotten into him since last I heard you two had one hell of a day yesterday. But I've got an idea."

"Thank you." Just that for a long moment, quiet. He looks over at McCoy as he speaks, brow slightly knit. The explanation both helps and makes him feel more lost over the entire exchange.

"I am still unused to the ease with which humans say things that they do not mean." This is not to say that Spock has never lied: he will not admit it, but he has. Through omission, mostly. However, it was never like this.

Spock is about to note that they did indeed have 'one hell of a day yesterday, but his wounded curiosity after the man states he has an idea of the problem gives him pause; he tilts his head slightly.

"Please elaborate on your theory."

"I'll be the first to admit 'family's a loaded word for anyone, but I'd be willing to bet Jim went ant told his brother about his plans for the classwork and he wasn't too pleased. Swear every time Jim tries to impress the man he just looks more and more like he sucked on a lemon."

The doctor levels out a long, frustrated sigh.

"The only other time Jim's let himself go anywhere near that bad before was when some big shot admiral showed up to check in on George Kirk's kids. Those two didn't speak to each other for two weeks after. Just don't seem like a good relationship."

It's not he whole truth, but then, Leonard can't know what that even is.

Spock listens to everything that Doctor McCoy has to say without interruption. He briefly looks as though he will ask a question about the relevance of citrus fruits to one's expression, but he ends up not doing so. Instead, he sits slightly less rail-straight next to him and looks out across the garden they are in before he says anything at all.

"I am familiar," he finally says, "with that type of mandated delicacy." He does not indicate if he means it with family or otherwise, nor does he indicate if it involves himself or if so, he actually shows any measurable restraint of his normal flat delivery.

At length, he speaks again. "I have not changed my opinion of Jim Kirk as a whole." A beat, and he adds: "However, I am—" He pauses, attempting to find the correct word for it. Angry does not exactly suit. Nor does disappointed, though it is tempting to say as much. "Somewhat vexed."

"He didn't manage to poison himself but it's not great. Not sure how much of the night he's even going to remember." Leonard does break gaze with the garden then to see how Spock's doing. Impossible to tell, save for maybe he doesn't look quite so much like he's been propped up like a lawn ornament to sit on that bench. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it ain't.

Jim was the one who could read the other's mood.

"As for the ugly feelings, you and me both. He's never gotten mean with me before. Assuming it's the same for you." Bones is pissed. It's the thing. But he's also worried Jim's in for the same spiral he himself is in the process of climbing out of. Leonard can see it but he's got no damn idea how to stop it from happening.

"No advice there. Gonna take all my willpower not to kick his ass myself when he's upright again."

To Spock, the concept of forgetting an entire night is something unfathomable. He perfectly recalls everything from nearly his entire life, and now to have the memory of the past night burning in his head forever, and for Kirk to not even remember what he said—

—Spock does not make comment on that. He also does not make comment on the doctor calling their responses ugly feelings. "He has not." That much he can and will confirm. "He has been nothing but kind, accommodating, and helpful since our introduction."

And that is what Spock remembers the most, and will continue to remember. He hopes.

He also, of course, does not know how to stop Kirk's spiral from continuing.

"I do not like George Samuel Kirk." Flat. He has tolerated him up until this point, but if his behavior is why Kirk is in this state, his patience has reached its limit.

However, Samuel Kirk is not here. Doctor McCoy is.

"I thank you for taking the time to speak with me. It is appreciated. I am aware that we do not always agree, but you have always had my respect."

"Yeah? Well. Seems like we agree on the most important bits."

That despite the last few hours Jim is worth the effort to look after. That his brother? Kind of a tool. Maybe he'll get more details about the family out of Jim if he plays his cards right. Get some insight on what the situation is. How he can deal with it moving forward.

Maybe Spock too, if he bounces back from this. Leonard isn't counting on it, but neither is he writing the man off. Their fallout remains to be seen given they have to live with each other after this. Bones figures Jim better not be shocked if the man doesn't want to be hit on after tonight.

"Well. I'm gonna put in for an absence and make sure our cornfed idiot recovers alright. You heading back yet?"

Spock does not wish to lose the valued companionship of Jim Kirk. He will attempt as best he can to maintain it, but the results also depend on Kirk's responses. Time will tell.

At the question Spock nods, standing and beginning to remove the borrowed gloves to return them to McCoy.

"Yes," he says, "I will be returning. As Vulcans require less rest than humans, I will be able to maintain my schedule." A beat passes. "However, I will be available for contact should it become necessary." That, he thinks, is sufficient.

So soon as the conversation concludes and they get back to the dormitories, Spock will excuse himself and begin to prepare for his normal schedule.

If he is going to do anything but dwell on the previous night's events, he must keep himself occupied.

By the time Spock gets back from his classes the next day there's an automatic kettle and a tin of spiced green tea waiting for him, along with a note from Jim, in case Spock got back before he did. When Jim comes back its with snacks for both of them. He doesn't shy away from apologizing. He doesn't remember the details of the night before but luckily Bones gave him a play by play so he knows exactly how much of a fuck-up he was. There's something strained in Jim's smile he offers Spock when he promises it won't happen again.

Jim will make sure nothing happens again. He's gotta get over his crush/fixation on his room mate to keep that promise though. So that it doesn't hurt so bad even if he has another breakdown. Spock won't be one of the people he tries to push away. Jim never gets drug in for reprimand over the incident and his and Spock's papers go through. They wish each other luck from opposite ends of the room when they settle in to take their tests and then...

Suddenly Academy life becomes much, Much busier. Jim gets swept up in a myriad of regulations, tactics, and diplomacy classes on top of his generals. Spock is taking more classes than Jim knew could fit in 24 hours. The only class they share is a computer science class now. Jim's grateful to have it. It's one link left between them now that their first year introductory classes are cast aside.

It takes some adjusting to.

Jim spends his afternoons in the library (and sometimes his evenings when he can sneak into a storage room to avoid closing hours to get some more work done). They spend their nights often working well past midnight at their respective desks. Occasionally Jim asks Spock to check over his work. He meets a second year trawling around the library working on her labs during the same hours Jim frequents and they get to talking.

Jim almost turns her down when she gives him her frequency before he remembers. Spock is engaged. He's off the table. If Jim wants to get past that? He needs to actually get past it. Make some friends of his own. On his own terms. He invites her out to the bar after her evening lab. They meet a few times, he teaches her dom-jot (like he wanted to teach Spock...), he makes sure to show up in his riding leathers that are tight in All the right places after a couple nights.

Doesn't make it back to his dorm that night. Though he does belatedly message Spock as he's leaving her room in the early morning hours that he is Not in fact dead and had been on a date. Sure, it only arrives an hour before Jim turns up at 4am to take a shower and crash, but an attempt was made. She's not too pleased with him sneaking out and that's the end of it.

But for Jim?

It's like remembering how to be himself. He's not put out. Why would he be? All he was looking for was a wild night. Anything to get the image of his room mate out of his goddamn head for more than a minute at a time. Very quickly Jim stops hitting on women altogether. Even when it's good it's not what he's after. Bones fusses after him, but Jim makes sure there's always time for his best friend even when Jim has to cut corners on his sleep to make it.

That he makes an Effort to grab meals with Spock once in a while yet. Or a game of chess. Jim couldn't quit the man cold turkey and wouldn't want to. He tells himself it's just to maintain a friendship but truth be told he can't help how smitten he still looks every time they're together. How his whole damn week is better just because they got to spend an hour or two just hanging out.

Before diving back into the grind.

Jim continues to flit between social circles. A butterfly getting to know a little bit of everyone on campus. Spock, apparently, either doesn't hold his marriage in sanctity or isn't as engaged as Jim thought because he certainly seems to be involved with some lucky lady on the side. Jim tells himself he's happy for the other. Some days he even convinces himself he means it.

When one of them has a bad day, the other's there to pick up food. A favorite drink. And pull up the kal-toh set or the chess set to improve the overall mood. Jim ends up getting his drink spiked at a party? Spock spends the weekend helping him get through his assignments so he doesn't fall behind in his classes while Leonard makes sure he's okay. Spock gets dumped by the cute blonde in his xenobiology lab? Jim stays up half the night showing Spock different simulated strategy games they can slow-play in between their classes for something to do.

They orbit the other's life but never quite meet. Jim tells himself they've settled into something good. Even if there's an ache he can't get rid of.

Toward the end of the year he ends up spending a lot of time with a pair of guys a couple years his senior from one of his diplomacy classes. Gary Mitchell and Lee Kelso have always been on the fringes of the groups Jim frequents and Gary in particular is competitive enough that Jim can't help but take notice. And that's a thrill he's been missing, is the thing. Having someone to butt up against, debate with, compete with. They argue until one of them loses voice. They laugh so hard together they're crying. And the night Gary Mitchell grabs Jim by the back of his neck and kisses him senseless, Jim finds out they're no less competitive between the sheets. When it's good it's great; it's a race with the wind in his hair and a challenge that isn't just his course load. But when it's bad it's awful; Jim's never seen a man so jealous of anyone Jim so much as looks at. Who has to remind Jim every step of the way how lucky he is to be in Gary's orbit. Who takes too much pleasure in getting Jim on his knees after they've had an argument and making sure he's so sore he can barely walk the next morning.

Bones tells Jim to break it off. Jim tells him it's fine. Sam tells him about the rumors going around and how could JIm maybe try to be less of a whore if it's going to get Him drug into the rumor mill? Jim tells him he's full of it. That he's been dating Mitchell for over a month now. Only. Only.

Only Jim was the only one apparently who thought they were exclusive. And all those really distasteful rumors about Jim? They came from Mitchell. Well. Lesson learned. Jim tells Gary it's not working the next morning. Doesn't make a scene. Doesn't block his number or anything. He just leaves. Heads back to his dorm. Makes sure it's not In Use by Spock and whoever he's dating these days. And for the first time in months, Jim just. Stops going out.

Spends his evenings in the dorm, often in bed. Lot of time staring at the ceiling wondering what the fuck is wrong with him. He'd really tried to make this one work. Be a real boyfriend, whole nine yards. He'd thought....he was doing it all right.

Guess that just reinforces the idea that Jim's only good for a quick bit of fun. That getting to know him for Real? No one wants that.

While the gifts are appreciated and Spock accepts them, he assures Kirk that no lasting harm has been caused and means it. The timing of their mutually increased workload is fortuitous for Kirk's designs; had Kirk begun to purposely spend less time with Spock without the sudden, severe increase, Spock might have realized it was about him and his stubbornness would have driven him to confront his fellow cadet in an attempt at remedying whatever misstep Spock had taken.

So. Fortuitous for Kirk's plan, not so for either of them not being remarkably stupid.

And Spock forces himself to not be disappointed that they are spending less time together. They have far fewer classes together now and it makes sense they would need to focus on their own tracks.

He also tells himself that it does not sting deep in his side when after an evening and night of wondering if he and Doctor McCoy would need to go find Kirk, he simply receives a message letting him know that his roommate was on a date. It is not Spock's place to be upset about that, or jealous, or any myriad other emotions that he meditates upon to compartmentalize and move past.

Spock had never told Kirk how he felt beyond the lengths he had gone to in order to aid his academic career and push him forward, and it is clear now he is either truly uninterested or Spock should not have waited to clarify. He is simply not human enough to know how to court one, it would seem.

He buries himself into his courses until T'Pring notes that should he refrain from any manner of socializing, he will lack ties later when it comes to crew assignments. What she means is he should approach Kirk. Spock knows this. What he does is accept an evening's invitation with one of his classmates from science track, a pretty blond with striking blue eyes.

He does not purposely note the resemblance.

It is not Spock who ends his first foray into a relationship with a human: she is not looking for as deep of a connection as someone like Spock desires and decides she is better off looking for something a little lighter.

He also does not end the second, but this is because he cancels with her one too many times in favor of spending time with Kirk even if simply to discuss their academic work.

After that, he never sticks with one girl for long, but the gaps between also drag because he keeps telling himself that he really is looking for The One when he knows he already knows who that is. Was. Would have been.

Kirk switching to seeing men is not entirely surprising, though it does give Spock a bitter moment of could have been me before he is able to move on. Again, T'Pring tells him to get over himself and say something. She does not use those words, but it is what she means.

Spock finds, later, that he does not care for Gary Mitchell. There is something about him that Spock finds distasteful, and he cannot help the near-glare that he passes over him every time he sees him. The near-glare that Spock always gets away with due to people presuming he is already always glaring in the first place.

It is three and a half weeks into Kirk's ill-advised relationship (because that is what Kirk is doing, Spock has noted, an attempt at settling down, at sticking with one person, and were it almost anyone else Spock might be able to convince himself to be happy for him) with Gary Mitchell that he hears the human speaking about Kirk without Kirk present and for the first time in a very long time, he struggles to control himself.

Or, well, struggles to do so until after Kirk has already broken things off and Mitchell continues his rumor campaign: Spock catches Mitchell alone between classes, slams him against the wall, and punches him directly in the face. He then wordlessly wipes the red on his knuckles off on Mitchell's uniform coat, stares at him a moment longer, and leaves.

It was not a struggle, then. He willingly and happily let himself go.

Some new 'rumors' start to fly after that, of course, about the Vulcan student's apparent penchant for violence. But Spock? Spock has never been anything but polite, he has never stepped so much as a toe out of line, he would never resort to physical violence. And though it gets chattered about, it is with a measure of disbelief. Which puts what Mitchell had said about Kirk into question as well. A positive, if unintended, side effect.

There is, at some point during all of this, confirmation of Spock's unengaged status, another call with T'Pring which Spock does not know Kirk hears the tail end of, in which T'Pring notes Spock's reluctance to move forward in the way he so desires, Spock has a mild rebuttal, and Stonn behind her makes a comment of his own to which Spock waspishly (for him) replies As the Vulcan who caused the dissolution of my engagement to T'Pring, please note that I will not be following any of your advice on the matter of my romantic entanglements before telling T'Pring his still-fond farewell and hanging up just in time for Kirk to be there a few seconds later.

There is, however, at this point no confirmation what or who T'Pring meant Spock should be chasing.

It is no matter currently. This evening, Spock returns from his classes with a bag of food, and when he notes from the cadence of Kirk's breathing that he is awake despite being in bed, he turns on the lights partway and moves to one of the desks to begin taking out containers of food.

"I am aware you are awake. I have brought us both Thai food. You are not required to eat it now, but it is here when you desire it." The logo on the bag is from the first restaurant they went to together socially as something resembling date-like. He does not anticipate Kirk noting it as a purposeful gesture, but that is immaterial.

He will, as ever, be as his friend needs him.

Because that is what Kirk is: Spock's friend.

Confirmation that Spock is not, in fact, engaged is something Jim kicks around bitterly in his head but ultimately it doesn't change much. When did that happen? Who knows. Kind of makes sense that Spock's been trying to rebound from her though. Find his own slice of happiness out here on Earth. He's got no clue why Some of those girlfriends didn't work out and has tried to stop thinking about just who gets to monopolize his roommate's time now that Jim's cut loose from what he Thought was his shot at that 'something more' everyone talks about so damn fondly.

Jim might have kept pretending to be asleep because how the fuck does Spock know he's faking it? He's great at faking being asleep (he thinks). But the Thai food smells Really good. And hell, it's the first good thing Jim can count happening all week. He's been struggling a little with his classes ever since the thing with Mitchell bombed. He hasn't been a WRECK or anything just.

Unmotivated. (Depressed, Bones has said). He hasn't missed any assignment turn ins, but they haven't been up to his usual quality.

"You brought me Tom-yum soup?" His hair's a disaster when Jim sits up. As the sheet falls back it's clear he's in a state of undress. Entire undress, given Spock can hear him fishing for and pulling on his underwear while the sheet covers his modesty. And that's entirely for Spock's modesty here, not Jim's. "Did you grab the vegetarian egg rolls too?"

The Academy AU for sensors

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